im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
