I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
