Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
