I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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