and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
