Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
