I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
