...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
