Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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