So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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