yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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