32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
