I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
