guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
