I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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