90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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