I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
