Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
