well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
