I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
