Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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