Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
