You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
