he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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