In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
