we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
