Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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