apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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