why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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