hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i drank out of a bidet.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
