Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
