I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
