I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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