Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
