I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
