You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
