sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
