Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
