fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
im calling her cock vulture from now on
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
