his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
