That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
