i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
