I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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