Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
