All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
