She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
