Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
