i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
