come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Boobs speak an international language.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
