You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
