We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
