did you get engaged???
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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